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Evangelicals, teens, & death

 

Clark, Rob. “How do Evangelical youth leaders help young people deal with death in light of our eternal destiny?” S. Hamilton, MA: Center for Youth Studies.
 
OVERVIEW
 
Fear of death and trying to deal with the death of someone close are putting unusual stress on some young people today. Shrines at the site of a friend’s accident or shooting are recently much more numerous. Media and the spirit of the times have spurred interest and concern about the hereafter. Postmodernism and liberalism increasingly stress the relativistic nature of all beliefs and urge inclusivistic approaches. More conservatives groups can react dogmatically with rigid interpretations and certainties about eternal destinies.
 
ISSUES FACING YOUTH
 
Death is one among many stresses experienced by students these days. “John, if you fumble the ball, you are walking home!” This is a quote I heard a parent yell to his fourteen year-old son from the sideline during a freshman football game I was coaching. This Dad had given us coaches problems all year, and he had his son under heavy pressure to succeed. Young people in today’s society are facing pressure from too many different directions. I am confident in saying that youths’ stress level has risen significantly in the past twenty years. Unfortunately, kids can’t be kids anymore. Life at the point of adolescence is all about success. They are being told to perform well from their parents and coaches, they are being bombarded with more homework now than ever before, and the media is telling the youth how they need to look and how they need to act.   It is easy to see that youth today have to “grow up” faster than in the past. They learn about sex, drugs, alcohol, and many other things before an age many would deem appropriate. However, one of the main things that have made kids “grow up” fast is the death to someone close to them. 
 
DEATH: WHERE WE GO WRONG
 
How do teenagers process death and the afterlife? “My brother wasn’t a Christian, and if he is in hell, that is where I want to go because I want to be with him again after I die.” This is a quote I heard from the captain of the varsity football team. A month prior to Young Life camp, Joel’s brother had fallen off a cliff and lost his life. All week at camp, people had been telling Joel about the amazing life Christ offered him and they explained how awesome heaven would be if Joel were to accept Christ. However, Joel only wanted to be with his brother again. They were as close as brothers get and he couldn’t understand how heaven could be perfect when he knew his brother wouldn’t be there with him. All week people had been trying to provide an answer for Joel. Unfortunately, a perfect answer didn’t come. The last thing youth want while suffering is for people to try and give them an easy answer. The intentions of the youth workers were good when they were trying to help Joel out. Unfortunately, it led to Joel’s desire to go to hell to see his brother again. To “recover themselves,” youth leaders tried to tell Joel only God knew where his brother was and that they had no way of knowing if his brother was in heaven or hell. However, Joel wasn’t about to accept the leaders’ “churchy” answers. We can gather two main thoughts from this example: the first is that leaders tend to provide answers for kids in the midst of their pain (without respecting that pain itself), and the second is that kids today will not accept “churchy” (theologically dogmatic and sometimes simplistic) answers from their leaders. This is where youth leaders have gone wrong for the most part; they tend to feel like they need to provide all the answers to youths’ deep and passionate questions.
 
QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION
 
  1. Have you ever worked with youth that have faced the death of a close friend/relative?
  2. If so, how did you deal with it?
  3. If you were Joel’s leader, how would you have dealt with this situation?
  4. As a youth worker, do you feel it is your job to provide “the” answers to hurting youth?
WHAT NOW?
 
Okay, so what if we accept the notion that throwing “churchy” answers at youth isn’t the best response? Then, where do we go from here? Here’s what I feel is one of the most important words in youth ministry today: LISTEN. As youth leaders, we have got to take the time to sit down and seriously listen to what our kids are saying. When I say listen, I don’t mean “hear what they say and then come back at them with an immediate answer.” What I mean by listening is providing them with a leader who makes them feel comforted and loved as they pour out their hearts. We need to be there to hug and love the kids as they go through pain, not necessarily provide them a solution; they have enough people doing that. Most adolescents lack someone in their lives who truly listens to them, comforts them, and loves them. What Joel needed was a leader to cry with and a leader to hug when he was feeling pain. He didn’t need a leader to shove religion down his throat. I whole-heartedly believe that “showing who Christ is” precedes “telling who Christ is.” 
 
IMPLICATIONS
Show your kids who Christ is by truly listening to them and comforting them. Kids in today’s society need someone to pay attention, love them, and listen to them amidst all the pressure that surrounds them. Youth leaders need to be loving and comforting people in the lives of kids. We can’t provide an answer for kids, but if we pray for them constantly and love them as Christ does, then He will help provide them an answer.
 
Rob Clark cCYS
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