Is there Domestic Violence in the Christian Community?

I can personally vouch for the fact that domestic violence is alive and well in families that consider themselves 'christian' or 'born again'. I grew up in one!

The part of the bible that says, "Spare the rod, spoil the child" is over-emphasised with these people and they proceed to physically chastise their children at whim, usually using wooden spoons or rulers for the slightest of slights, oftentimes the children just being children.

Then there's the "man as the head of the household" philosophy which is used as an excuse for the father do to whatever he damn well pleases and his kids had better abide by it. They must not sit in his chair, use his cup, play with him when his TV shows are on, be quiet when he's listening to his music. They must do everything that he tells them to do or else the 'spare the rod, spoil the child' is implemented. He will not show them passion or consideration for their natural curiosities and questions. The Christian minded people give biased answers to questions about the world. In my case, the 2nd coming was going to happen and if you weren't 'saved' then you were going to hell and this was used to issue "fire and brimstone" type sermons on an almost daily basis, that ranted for hours. As a child, this is hard to understand and doesn't answer any questions that are present in the real world. The child is then left to try and figure it all out themselves. We'd get screamed at if we took God's name in vain, any jokes or anything funny that was said about the church resulted in severe physical punishment. As an example, at a power cut and the house went dark, my brother aged about 8, said, "Don't worry about it, because God said "let there be light." It was a joke!" My brother was rewarded with being dragged to his bedroom and beaten severely with something and not allowed to come out for the rest of the day. Then as the children grow older and are earning their own money, great chunks of it must be 'tithed' and the kids money is literally stolen from them. In fact, now that I recall, us kids were told we had to go without because the parents had to tithe to the church and they couldn't afford things like - my first bra, for example.

As zealot christians, our parents were so wrapped up in praying, attending church almost daily, twice on Sundays, we became neglected kids. There was never any time, outside of reading the bible that was devoted to anything of interest that the kids wanted to do. We either was forced into church and reading the bible which was highly praised but anything else was always disparaged. Sports of any sort were discouraged, or made impossible to attend. All friendships were discouraged, because friends lived in 'satans world'. If you weren't saved, you were colluding with the devil.

Later, when it came time to invest money in property, like for instance getting married and buying a home, there was no advice given. Today, I recognise the reason was that they thought the world was coming to an end and there was no point in thinking about long term future gain, or a career for that matter. There was no point, because Jesus was coming to take all the saved one's and all the others would be left to drown in seas of blood - great story to tell a child before the age of ten, huh?

The church knew my parents were religious zealots, and they did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Us 3 kids were forced to endure having the scriptures shoved down our throats, regardless. Our rights and liberties stripped from us if we did not bow to the church and it's rules.

Today, 1 adults child is an alcoholic, who's wife has just left him because of DV. Because he was brought up in the patriarchial system of beliefs of the christian church, he has contempt for women and children, and he's beaten his wife and kids up, he thinks he owns them. Even today, after he's financially, emotionally and physically abused his wife, the parents are still 'supporting' him. Saying that everything bad that has happened to him is his wife's fault. According to them, she should have changed him if she didn't like his drinking. to my parents, their son is "King" in his house and he should rule, regardless. They are actively saying that his wife and kids are lying about him (although there's been 4 independent reports to the authorities about how he treats his wife and kids) and despite his drug and alcohol abuse, they refuse to believe that the 'head of the household' is to be anything but idolised.

I'm now 46 and just starting to recognise the 2nd class status my father gave me. I struggle with relationship issues with 2 divorces and have trouble recognising abuse and have trouble speaking up for my own needs. As a teenager, married at 19, I emerged from their household, immature of the world, ignorant of my own needs as I constantly was forced to please them, unaware of realities of finances, unaware of how to have an equal relationship..... It was just last week that I was issued a physical threat from my brother delivered by my father to me in my own home. Because I refuse to be abused by my brother, my father thought it fit "as head of the household" to pull me into "line" and understand that my brother would "come to my home and sort me out" if I ever contacted his wife again (my Sister-in-law). My father thought nothing of doing this, his clarity of abuse is distorted by his interpretations of the bible.

The other adult child died at age 40 of a brain tumour, but he also, was aggressive, drank too much, and abusive to his wife.

And our childhood was done that way all in the name of Jesus - apparently!

Yep, domestic violence is rife in the families that attend church.....the scriptures can be abused and misinterpreted at whim, and it gives those that do it the best excuse in the whole wide world to subjugate abuse on their defenseless kids.